Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
