White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
