yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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