dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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