I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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