Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
