Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
