It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
