Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
