wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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