did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
