you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
