youre lurking in front of me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
