i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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