I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
