Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
