yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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