I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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