Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
