Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
