just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
