I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize