i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
