Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
