Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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