16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
