you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
