Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Be still, my beating vagina.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
