i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
