Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You dont lie about slip and slides
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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