May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
