New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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