i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
