i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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