i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
