I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
