His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
