God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
