He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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