Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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