so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
