Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
