life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
