I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
