11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize