Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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