I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
