Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Randomize
