Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
