I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
