The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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