He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize