I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
