how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
