I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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