So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
