so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
