wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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