Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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