I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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