I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize