You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
