She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
