The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize