Say something about gay babies.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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