It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
