.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
