Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
