I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
