What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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