I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
