Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
