I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
