well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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