Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My vagina is officially offended.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
