I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
