Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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