Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
