4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize