I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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