So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
