Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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