i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
