You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
