I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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