She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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