White coat. Heels.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
