good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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