Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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