After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
