So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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