yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize