Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
