I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
