nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize