that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
