soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize