Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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