I accidentally burped into my bong.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
