Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
