vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
