Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
