i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
