i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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