I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
