just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
