the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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