bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
