youre lurking in front of me
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
