how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
